The Worst Irish Soda Bread Ever.

I am going to start this post off defending my baking skills. I am particularly good at whipping up a solid batch of cookies or an exotic cheesecake (with NO cracks on the surface, thank you very much). But bread is a different story.

Bread and I do not get along. There is something so cosmically wrong with our relationship that we need an intervention. Earlier this summer, I attempted a loaf of Marbled Banana Bread that was a pretty epic failure. I neglected to add baking soda, so my loaf didn't rise, and I was left with a beautifully marbled banana brick.

Today, tragedy has struck my kitchen in the form of a wheel of 'sort of Paleo' Irish Soda bread. My deviations from the original recipe were mistakes. Biiiiig mistakes.

While initially skimming the recipe page, I decided that I'd substitute in some items I already had in my pantry in the name of saving a few bucks. Instead of almond milk, I used soy milk. Rather than almond flour, I used whole wheat flour. I replaced the caraway seeds with crushed walnuts (#yolo). Not too different right? That's what I thought. And I think I thought wrong.

Now when I got down to prepping my bread, I realized I didn't have any baking powder. I know, I know, what is my problem??  I was also too lazy to walk two blocks to the supermarket, so I went to my trusty friend, Google, for help. I ended up using a 1/4 tsp baking soda + 1 1/2 tsp lemon juice concoction that the internet told me to in place of the darned baking powder, and assured myself that everything would be okay.

I made a mess kneading the dough, but somehow, once it was in a nice bread-y ball in my pan, I thought, "Yeah, this is going to be great!", and popped that baby into the oven. Twenty-five minutes later I started to smell the beginnings of a burn, so I yanked it out. With my creation still looking promising (despite the burn smell), I left it to cool for a half hour before approaching it with my knife and plate.

Some photo fun, before disaster struck

As soon as I cut into the loaf I knew we had an issue. The soda bread looked suspiciously like my unrisen banana slab from last month, and the slice I took crumbled like the dreams of Jordyn Wieber at the end of the qualifying round for the Women's All-Around Gymnastic Finals in London (sorry girl, couldn't resist). Still, I tried to keep the faith, and grabbed some jelly and margarine from the fridge to supplement my creation.

Neither helped. It was awful. Salty with the consistency of crusty play-dough.

Now, as I sit on my kitchen counter pondering the fate of the rest of the cursed loaf, I am officially challenging myself to conquer BREAD.

I will make a delicious loaf of bread, sooner rather than later.
I will also read the recipe thoroughly and check my cabinets before proceeding.

Any and all baking tips are welcome and encouraged!